Anxiety in our own castle
Five years ago, we made the decision to build a house. And over the last five years we have turned it into a home. Our own little castle. Slowly buying furniture once the second hand items given to us by family have served their purpose and started to show wear. And in the first few years we brought two puppies and two children into the mix, who tend to ruin all the furniture anyway. So we decided to hold off on spending money on brand new items, and chose to wait until all the little feet in our house had grown up a bit. Our house is filled with all the little nic nacs we have collected over the years from travelling, and a small selection of family photos as the children have grown. I like to think our house is very minimalist and not over whelmed with objects, but if someone was to walk in, they would know part of our story and could tell where we've been. They would know which were some of our favourite countries to visit from the shelf displays as you walk through our house. They would know which sporting team we support from the family photo strategically placed and they could tell that we love to keep all our fondest memories on display so at any given time, we can remember how much enjoyment we have already experienced in such a short time.
I'm proud of what my husband has achieved and built for our family and for what we have accomplished making our house a home. This is one of the reasons I love inviting people over to our house. But every time we have visitors, I feel anxious. I worry what they will think of our home. Will they judge our uncleaned floors? Will they notice all the tiny hand prints on our walls and cupboard doors, made by our children while playing? Will they think our windows are filthy with dog paw prints, who are excited to see us when we get home?
After having so many occasions of being unbelievably tired and just thinking 'I don't care. I can't be bothered to clean', I'm starting to move past these thoughts and wonder why I ever felt them in the first place. I've never gone to someones house and thought 'Man, they could have tidied up a bit before we came', so why should I feel like that's what people think when they come to ours? Honestly, we all have that desire that people will come over and wonder where we find the time to keep our house so clean and be impressed by our home. But I guarantee most of us are all doing the same thing. Panicking when people are coming to visit and madly rushing around trying to pick up all the random items strewn across the floor and yelling at our other family members to pick up their clothes and clear the kitchen. With the million and one things we have to do each day plus keep ourselves sane, its just not practical. When do we stop worrying about what other people think? There are clearly more important things to prioritize than a spotless house. How do we go from feeling something is important to us like spending time with family, to it being surpassed by prioritizing other peoples opinions and worrying if others would understand why your house doesn't look like a display home. Although most of us do have that one friend whos house does in fact, look like a display home.
This is not my way of justifying not cleaning the house. But there is a difference between a clean house, and a tidy house. I don't want people living in filth and neglecting to take the rubbish out for the next month, but don't feel like you need to tidy up on my behalf.
Having a clean house is just like sprinkles, ice cream is still great without them. Happy and healthy is all I will ask of myself and desire for my family. But if we happen to have a clean and spotless house, enjoy the sprinkles.